https://lainywrites.squarespace.com/teenage-tude daily 0.75 2026-09-14 https://lainywrites.squarespace.com/teenage-tude/be monthly 0.5 2026-09-14 https://lainywrites.squarespace.com/teenage-tude/surviving-na monthly 0.5 2026-07-16 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6735f948afd71154233201ba/ec3fdf8a-fe99-4bf3-9c54-331ddfc17a0b/IMG_6593.jpg Blog - Surviving NA - I was scrolling through Facebook a few weeks ago when I came across a post from the North Allegheny class of 1996, advertising the next reunion. I had never been to a high school reunion before and made a short comment which was enough to get that page into my algorithm. Flash forward to a few days later and somehow, this girl that never showed up to one high school event ever, was somehow volunteering to plan the 30th reunion. To be fair, this is totally something “Present me” would do. I love to help and to step-up when I know others can’t or won’t. I enjoy event-planning and I still live in my hometown so of course I signed-up, even if this was something “High School me” wouldn’t have been caught dead doing. The first two planning sessions over Zoom were fun and productive but also triggering in a way I hadn’t expected. My over-thinking writers brain started to spiral. Why was I doing this? What did I think I was trying to accomplish? Making up for lost time is a nice cliché but is it actually possible? And why didn’t I insert myself more in high school? What had taken me so long to come out of the shadows? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6735f948afd71154233201ba/33934f63-5f4e-4594-8dd2-3b422d1ad36c/IMG_6594.jpg Blog - Surviving NA - In our lives, it can be hard to pin-point a moment of change. When does night become day? When does fall become winter? When does the freshwater of a river get diluted into the salty sea? When did kind, sweet Lainy become someone else entirely? I think the first bump in my path came in 6th grade at the middle school. My “team” had been split between three homerooms and to my horror, I discovered I was in the room for the least of us. I had never been bad at anything up to that point. No one ever told me I was bad at anything to that point, but somehow, I had sunk to the bottom. I was stupid. I was stuck with the crazy teacher with the comb over, one platformed shoe, and one-million bottle tops over-flowing in the canisters around the room. No thank you. How had this happened? I begged Mr. Bond incessantly to let me try the math-facts test again and again, wanting to prove this had been a horrible, terrible mistake. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/6735f948afd71154233201ba/5fca2fa4-c982-4fc5-9412-03efadd907b5/IMG_6595.jpg Blog - Surviving NA - I think of one of the last scenes in Moana here. Moana, this young girl, has the insight to discover that Motunui is not actually a demon like everyone thought, but only an island—a woman who had been betrayed and hurt and her anger had made her into something she was not. At the end of the movie, Moana steps between parted waves and hands that blazing figure so full of rage and pain back her heart. Remember who you are, she implores. Who you truly are. This deep dive into “high school Lainy” has been painful but also eye-opening. For I truly believe, it was not my classmates at North Allegheny that failed me. It was the adults. Not just the silence or the failure to notice, but sometimes they were the ones adding insult to injury with shaming, embarrassment and punishment when all of this was clearly a cry for help that no one wanted to hear. Whether they were too busy focusing on the superstars, too preoccupied with the other 500 students, or too ignorant, I cannot say. All I can say is I didn’t fall into the cracks, I was shoved between them. I am not blaming anyone for my choices. I know they were my own. This is just my attempt to understand them. I did some really, really terrible things to myself and to others. I am not proud of that. But I forgive myself. 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